The Secret Talents of Sirius Black OR Me and my Stalkerish Tendencys
by Lliri
Summary: If only the bloody raven had just transfigured. Then none of this would of happened. Then, I, Marlene McKinnon wouldn't be hiding up in my room, having a panic attack while Sirius Black is downstairs being interrogated. This is bad. This is really, really bad. No pairings. Rated for British swearing and for safety.


The many hidden talents of Sirius Black and how I came to find out about them

OR

Me and my Stalker tendencies.

My name is Marlene McKinnon and I am an almost 7th year Hogwarts student. I play Keeper on the Gryffindor Quiddich team and my two best friends are Lily Evans and Dorcas Meadows. I have ordinary brown hair, ordinary brown eyes, and boring pale skin. I have an ordinary face, I live an ordinary life, except for one little thing.

Sirius Black is sitting in my living room, being interrogated while I come up here and have my panic attack.

Here's how it all started.

I was busy working on my transfiguration homework, but the stupid bird just wasn't transforming. You could say I got a little frustrated. So, I did the only logical thing in my mind.

I blew up the nearest thing, which just so happened to be the chair holding Sirius Black.

Don't worry, I didn't blow him up. He might of gotten slightly singed, but jeeze, there really was no harm done!

Anyhow, Sirius seemed a tad shocked. Or, to be more accurate, his mouth hung open for a moment or two, then he started laughing. What an odd bloke.

Eventually, he pulled himself together enough to stop laughing. "You could of bloody killed me!" he said. I shrugged.

"So?"

He was evidently having trouble grasping the whole concept. I was frustrated. I nearly blew him up. I didn't blow him up, ergo, no harm done, right?

Unfortunately, McGonagal didn't agree. And that was how I ended up in detention, along with Sirius Black, so that we could, and I quote, "work out our differences."

How spending three hours sorting out rotten flobberworms from the still wriggling ones was supposed to accomplish that, I don't know. The thing was, it kind of worked.

So, as the train pulled back into Platform 9 and Three Quarters, I called out those fateful words.

"Come and visit me sometime over the summer, yeah?"

"Sure, I'll owl you sometime!"

I am a bloody idiot. Why did I say that?

So then, my summer was finally passing in peace. I am happy to say, it was completely normal. I played Quiddich, did my homework, and owled my friends.

White owls.

Grey owls.

Brown owls.

Black owls? None of my friends own a black owl. I unrolled the letter, written on official looking paper. I was sure it was something bad, or why else would it look so... Official?

_Darling McKinnon_

_How's your summer been so far?_

_Yours truly,_

_Sirius Black._

So I sent back an equally short letter.

_Dearest Sirius._

_It's been normal. How's yours been?_

_Sincerely,_

_Marlene McKinnon._

A few days later, I got a letter back from Sirius.

_Lovely McKinnon._

_Its been terrible. Nice to hear that your summer has been good,_

_Spiffed to hear from you,_

_Sirius Black._

Every few days, I found myself sending a letter to Sirius Black.

Now, one of my many quirks is that I don't often write my friends. Maybe a few times a summer, sure, but more than once a week? No chance.

Soon, my parents caught on.

"Who are you writing too, darling?" my sweet, curious mother asked.

"Is it a boy?" my larger than life father asked, a frown creasing his face. It made his beard splay out all over the place.

"It's a new friend from school." I said. I can't really tell, but I must of been avoiding their eyes, because that line of questioning continued.

"Name, parents names, and life history?" my father asked. I let out a long suffering sigh.

"Sirius Orion-" I started.

"It's that Black boy, isn't it?" my mother asked. "Oh, he seemed ever so polite when we met him coming off the Hogwarts express, but that mother of his..." She trailed off, huffing the way only a mother could. It made me smile.

"A BOY?" my father thundered. A disconcerting smile popped onto his face a second later. "You're right, darling, he seemed very kind." he smiled at my mother. "Very well, dearest daughter of mine. If you wish to keep writing this Black boy, you may. However, if you wish me to break his kneecaps, I will."

Then I remembered my promise to invite him over.

"Actually, you won't need to do that, Dad. I was wondering if he can stay over for a week or two? Please?" I turned the charm all the way on. Not that I needed too, but when I do something, I do it right.

"Of course!" my mother said. I saw the familiar black bird tapping on the window, and went to let it in.

_My future saviour Marlene,_

_You remember how you said I could stay over for a while? Can that please, please be soon? I am about an inch away from going crazy and destroying something._

_Please get me out of this madhouse,_

_Sirius Black._

I wrote back right away.

_My damsel in Distress Sirius,_

_Meet me at 49 Wildflower way at noon tomorrow. Don't apparate directly onto the property unless you enjoy being petrified. Of course, it would be good to test the wards out... Kidding!_

_See you soon,_

_Marlene McKinnon_

Anyway, the next day started with a bang. Literally. Dad recently purchased a muggle contraption called a car, since the normal way into work was blocked in light of the whole He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named thingy. The point was, the car backfired.

It was five in the morning.

At noon, I met Sirius as expected. The second he saw me, he bowled me over with a giant hug.

"Marlene! You have no idea how grateful I am."

My first thought was that he was normal. My second thought was that my first thought was crazy.

So we walked towards my house. He seemed to find the whole cottage thing enormously cute, and loved the tiny space in the attic we were able to fit him into. So we went to my room to play Wizard chess.

Let's ju st say, one of us was considerably better than the other.

After Sirius won the 5th consecutive match out of 5, I cracked and asked him how he did it. To my surprise, his grin faded slightly.

"When Mom found out I was in Gryffindor in my first year, Mom didn't want me to corrupt Regulus with my Gryffindor ways. I spent the summer after my first year locked in my room with a chessboard and a book about prominent pure blood families as entertainment." He sighed, and then seemed to perk up. "Best out of ten?"

Five more losses later, we went downstairs for dinner in a part of the house I hadn't shown him yet. When Sirius saw the piano, he got really excited.

After dinner, I was going to add some more points that Dad had suggested into my History of Magic essay. I was up in my room, and assumed that Sirius was in his. Mom and Dad were out for a walk.

Then, I heard the first few notes of a song. I didn't play much; it was really my mother's thing. But she wasn't nearly that good. Then, I was even more surprised. I heard Sirius start singing Silent Night, a muggle Christmas carol.

It was bloody amazing! I sat there for a couple minutes, in a happy dazed state, listening to him sing. But I wanted to hear him more clearly. So I crept downstairs and into the room. I literally hid under the table. But I guess I wasn't quiet enough, because he heard me.

"Bloody h-! Marlene!" He managed to squeak out. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

I ignored him. "Where did you learn to sing like that? And play the piano?"

He chuckled, a familiar, sad chuckle. "Mom decided that I was having a bit too much fun with the chess set. Instead, she plopped the piano up in my room. After fifth year, she decided to take everything away, and that was when I learned how to sing."

I was surprised, to say the least.

"What else do you do?" I asked.

"After third year, I learned how to cook. And after fourth year I learned how to skate."

"Wow." I said. That was all I could think of to say. Sirius Black was known as many thinks. Ladies' man. Marauder. Prankster. Beater. Gryffindor. One of Snape's worst enemies. A Black that defied tradition. But cook, musician, singer, skater, pro chess player? That just didn't fit.

"Hey! I can do lots of cool things! Look, I can also recite the alphabet backwards! Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, P, O, N..."

"You're crazy!" I laughed. "Can you sing something else?"

"God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriff's, coming right up!" Unfortunately, the song included a rather bad word that broke the houses no swearing policy and the houses wards kicked in.

When my parents came in and saw him covered in angry red boils, they knew what had happened.

And that was how Sirius Black ended up in my living room, being interrogated by my parents while I had a low level panic attack up in my room.

"Sirius Orion Black. I will not allow you to corrupt my young, innocent Marlene with your vulgar language."

I can't believe I'm friends with Sirius Black.

Next year is going to be crazy.


End file.
